I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I forgot wine drunk hurts
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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