Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
