you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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