I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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