Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize