someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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