I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
