This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
