but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
