Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
