the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
