My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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