She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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