Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
