so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
