There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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