She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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