Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
