what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
