i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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