What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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