I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
