Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
