I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My balls are so social today.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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