I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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