We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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