I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
