I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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