I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
