barbara walters just said penis...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
