Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
