that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think my fart just growled at me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
