are you so shy because you have an std?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
