WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
