it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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