i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
