Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
