there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
