I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
