3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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