my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
