Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
