I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
