She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
