My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
