Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
