I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
