I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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