The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
