That's intense
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
