My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
