woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize