i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
