its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
