she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
