I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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