you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
