she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
