i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize