I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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