cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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