Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
