I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
