I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
