So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
