he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
