using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
