Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
