Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
