just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
