apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize