its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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