drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
