Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
