he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
