Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
