Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
