I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This baby is an asshole
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
