I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
