just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
