i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
two words: eviction party
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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