nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
